We’ve only been here for two days and I can no longer bear the pain of missing my husband so much. For me and my husband, this is our big sacrifice to have a little control over our family. For me, this is my way of getting away from the controlling few. Me and Blyf left my husband alone in his parents home so she can grow up with other kids, eat just the right solid food and see the country life. For me, I basically need a breather, years and years of working and being in the corporate world-it was exhausting and daunting. Now, having no work or a single penny to spend, I feel really different.
I realized so many things coming here. Money is equal to control. Wherever you go, you need income, you need the means to survive and survival cannot be achieved by just asking to be fed. The decision I made to move was only due to exhaustion and now I pay the price with loneliness. Blyf has a little bit difficulty adjusting to the absence of her dad. She started calling him and I know she misses him so much. Part of her loves to be with other kids and her cousins but also part of her wants to be with her father.
I hope this is not going to take too long for us. We need him by our side badly. We may never be able to fathom sometimes the road we are taking but for me personally I pray that this would allow some room for relaxing and submission. This move is not about taking control but letting go of it. The expectations when we arrived were wrongly set and I hope that will not be permanent. This action I hope will make me an effective mother rather than a defective mentor to Blyf.
This is for her.