Yesterday, I have got yet another email from the Secretary of UP Grad School, asking for my application letter. Six months ago, I was very certain that I would pursue my MBA at the prestigious UP. A whole lot changes more than two months ago, I lost my job, I moved to the province-away from my dream career and my Master’s degree, because I want to be free. I guess in every decision, there’s always a price to pay. Today, I am no longer sure if I can still pursue it, at the corner of my mind there is still this possibility that things will be different let’s say in two months or four or six, no one knows. Change is constant, I am a believer but then I am the one making the choices. Should I go back or stay and be happy. I love the simple life, having just enough and living in a place where I can be just myself.
But I do have a challenge now. I am a bigamist. I am married to my belief longer than I am married to my husband. With all our differences, we did try our very best to understand those opposite traits but at times it can be very destructive. Searching through my consciousness, I remember! He wanted to teach me to be frugal. It’s not a bad idea but I never learn because I never share his ideals. For a teacher to be effective, the student has to trust, accept and believe what the teacher does or the student will just forget it or spends his/her entire life proving the teacher wrong. I’ve had good teachers and mentors, well, actually I only have a few. It’s a good thing, there are only few whose ideals I embrace.
Many times I thought of pursuing teaching but I kind of know I’m gonna fail at it miserably. I’m not really good at giving meaning to a thing or two, I did not want to teach, because I want to make things interesting for me. If a career does not interest me at all, how would I be able to give life to it?
There are too many careers these days, but only a few do a Filipino has or a Filipino will be paid decent enough. We have farmers that do not have budgets for discovering new way of growing good crops, we have carpenters with excellent craftsmanship, and so on. Rice grains that cannot be exported and are therefore sold cheap; hands that creates a nice, cozy house for a carpenter who cannot afford to build his own house. But, what the heck, the world is full of unfortunate events, bad things happening to good people. Greece is on economic crisis and many are unemployed may it be lawyers or business graduates. Japan and China is arguing over territory.
If the world is a chaos, a desperation, and a dead end, why is there a fourteen year old girl who never feared being killed just so she can go to school. Why are there people who strive to save the earth from total destruction?
Good lives, it may be striving at this point but it is there! That is something to hope for. Something to embrace. The point here is that, this might not be the right time for me to decide or worry about Grad School or career. I hope the universe will let me see what path I need to take. For now, I’d drink my coffee before it turns stale.