For a really long time I got succumbed by the poisons called hatred, resentment and disappointment. They were true, at least for me, and that they were the most difficult to overcome. I hurt every person close to me with my piercing words about betrayal and of lies. I was angry, in fact, very furious and my pain was unbearable. But every night I mourn for all the anguish consumed all of me, I cannot see beauty around me, I cannot appreciate good gestures, greetings from people I meet on the street seem empty and void of emotion. I walked dead, my soul pale and heartless. Then one day, it hit me. The misery that consumed me seemed not going away, I become more suspicious of other people’s motives and I got fixated on how people are really capable of doing you harm. Then I decided to forgive myself, of expecting too much, of hating, and of assuming that I can control everything. I can only control me, my thoughts and my deeds but that of others they have to control themselves.
I stumbled upon a very good article from Paulo Coelho’s blog while working this morning. I just cannot believe that my heart would sing these words:
The tears I shed, I forgive.
The suffering and disappointments, I forgive.
The betrayals and lies, I forgive.
The slandering and scheming, I forgive.
The hatred and persecution, I forgive.
The punches that were given, I forgive.
The shattered dreams, I forgive.
The dead hopes, I forgive.
The disaffection and jealousy, I forgive.
The indifference and ill will, I forgive.
The injustice in the name of justice, I forgive.
The anger and mistreatment, I forgive.
The neglect and oblivion, I forgive.
The world with all its evil, I forgive.
Grief and resentment, I replace with understanding and agreement.
Revolt, I replace with music that comes from my violin.
Pain I replace with oblivion.
Revenge, I replace with victory.
I will be able to love above all discontentment.
To give even when I am stripped of everything.
To work happily even when I find myself in the midst of all obstacles.
To dry tears even when I am still crying.
To believe even when I am discredited.
I shall continue to believe that life is not all about me, I can only be the best of what I wanted to be. And what I wanted to be is human-with all its characteristic and with all its compassion. I shall forgive myself everyday, so I can move on.
-life only begins, when death becomes a friend.