I had no idea how to start my day. We just got the horrible news last night and we haven’t recovered yet from shock, especially my husband. When you are confronted with life’s reality, you have no choice but face it. My husband has a strange relationship with his dad but he loves him nonetheless. Having known that his dad has cancer, he didn’t know what to feel. He just hugged me and stayed silent all night and I respected that. We don’t talk about it yet (about the disease and about how he is taking it) but we have weighed our options. I understand that his dad needs him most importantly with finances. We have discussed initial plans on how we can cut down on so many of our financial obligations and that includes me and my daughter moving to my sister’s in the meantime so we don’t have to pay for the electricity and food (it means that I would be my sister’s parasitic little sister for now). It wouldn’t be easy, but it’s not that bad as it seems. I told my sister last night that she should not worry as I promised to be on a diet but for Blyf (my daughter); well I can’t really stop a child from eating loads, can I? We both laughed. We can definitely make do of what we have and move from then on. Life goes on, as my husband muttered last night. It does and I know it takes a lot of hopes inside for him to be able to say that.
The whole ordeal is not going to be easy. My husband will see and feel the intensity of the situation once he goes home to his mom and dad. I know my husband can stand in difficult situations but this is yet to test his strength of character. Loss of a loved one is never easy. Yes, we all die but death to many is believed to be the end of everything. All that we worked hard for, all that we wept, the regrets, the anger, the triumphs and defeats are all that’s left. And how much we’ve loved and how often we’ve forgiven makes more sense. When facing death everything is about things intangible. We start looking back and asking ourselves if we’ve really lived our lives. We start looking at our nice house and imagine it being sold or left rotten to the ground. I am talking about this as if I have faced death, or have I? I am not sure.
My hope is not for life to spare us too much of a trouble. My hopes and prayers is that we go through this together- just together. I can only be my husband’s little supporter. I can only hold his hands and give him a hug. I can’t really take away his pain, his confusion, and his burden. He has my love. He will always have my love.