I often hear married couple say, a man is a man and will always be a man. Referring to husbands who “eventually cheats” and it’s normal. When did cheating become normal? In the wild, animals jump from one partner to the next. It’s animal instinct. But why do we consider ourselves human if we want to act like animals?
This perplexing question has been on my mind for long. And those statements from married men and women are somewhat making me paranoid of my own marriage. This often creates mistrust and would soon ignite arguments.
If we would think that husbands/wives will eventually cheat, why get married and have to deal with the infidelity? And why is it normal for men to cheat and it’s such a taboo for women? I say, even in cheating there is gender discrimination. If being dissatisfied with our partner leads us to look for satisfaction elsewhere, why make a vow then? Many say cheating is a norm but many kills for love. Why is that? It is because in as much as we want to show strength if ever our partners will cheat, it’s usually a facade. We will never know what to feel and how to react when that dreadful day comes.
I once dated a ladies’ man. He never became my boyfriend but I almost fell on his trap. I was aware what he was capable of. He loves to show people that he can get whoever he wants. I say it was his way of getting even with his own inadequacy. I chose to be a better person. I refuse to be with someone I cannot trust. And I walked out of that kind of man not just once but many times. It’s true that we cannot choose who we love but we can always choose the better one to love. And it all boils down to loving ourselves first. It isn’t true that we are blind when we love, we chose to be blind. It’s like seeing and feeling the symptoms but we refuse to acknowledge the illness and we die not knowing and not having to try to be cured.
If one day my husband will choose to be with another woman, I have to make every effort to look at quantifiable reasons within our union that made him dissatisfied. For he once had a reason for giving me his name, he must have a reason for throwing it all away. If one day he will choose to leave me, who am I to stop him? If I will no longer make him happy, he deserves to be happy even if it’s not with me. This not martyrdom. Letting go of someone who doesn’t share your happiness is the best thing a person can do for his/her own good, and probably the most difficult. So, if you don’t trust the person you are with now, ask yourself if you are ready to swallow every bit of issues that will be thrown your way.
Today, most movies or the media in general portray infidelity, affairs, divorce and broken marriages as the norm. And yet, we still react violently against infidelity. It may not be bad to look for happiness (most call it lust which I think is subjective because we associate cheating as purely lust, which is not always the case), it is in totality not right to hurt someone in the process. If one day I will be dissatisfied with my marriage, I will make every effort to know and understand why, even if the answer is a compelling “I’m not happy with us anymore” (which makes it more confusing and painful). But we can choose not to cheat. We can at least talk to the person and have the audacity to tell them that the marriage/relationship is falling apart-on your end (that person was once the love of your life, after all).
Most often, cheating is being dissatisfied with oneself and not of the other person. That is why most cheaters don’t stop at one until they figure it out themselves. That is the kind of cheater one has to be very careful of. But still, it is a choice that one makes. So, to answer my question. Cheating will never be a thing. Pop culture is not always good for us.