“You are stronger than you think you are.”
Often I respond with pride, “I know.” But the truth is, it slips through my understanding what being strong really means. Life was never unfair, and God therefore is always reasonable. He gives and so He takes. Your intentions therefore your outcome. No matter how the words come out and the action shows- the heart in its intentions would manifest most likely what it yearns.
There are still the mornings after the inconspicuous fearful nightmare is followed with an indecipherable loneliness that kicks in the gut. Energy is then drained from the entire being as if something snatched the light off. Many would say to snap out of it, like I also tell some who tells me about the darkness that looms. Maybe in the presence of this hazardous, often stubborn lonely little person inside do some of the courageous beings fight to overthrow it. Maybe overthrowing isn’t what it needs but friendship and of understanding that this will never go away. And like a child it needs the warm embrace and the acceptance that those bad things, those that keeps the nightmares close will always be a part of the life lived. That withdrawing from the world composed of billions of people trying to keep things together does not change anything but amplifies the fear.
Just hold on to those threads weaved with love and joy over the years. And that knowing “Faith does not make things easy but possible” may give hope more than one needs.
Maybe feeling lonely isn’t a bad thing all the time. Maybe this is how life tells one to stop and re-evaluate the steps.
Strength is not something acquired with experience, I think. It may be a constant decision and a choice to make. Every day. Always.