The shame of wanting something good

This talk in TED really tugged my heart. The beauty of being a misfit tells a journey of a writer who represented the lives of those plagued with failures, trauma, abuse, struggles, pain, and anything that could lead to hopelessness.

The talk started with her journey from getting a scholarship grant to New York City and back to her home empty-handed of book deals. Her words after that brought tears into my eyes as I understood now what I did not then.

“You see, I’m trying to tell you something about people like me. Misfit people — we don’t always know how to hope or say yes or choose the big thing, even when it’s right in front of us. It’s a shame we carry. It’s the shame of wanting something good. It’s the shame of feeling something good. It’s the shame of not really believing we deserve to be in the room with the people we admire. If I could, I’d go back and I’d coach myself. I’d be exactly like those over-50-year-old women who helped me. I’d teach myself how to want things, how to stand up, how to ask for them. I’d say, “You! Yeah, you! You belong in the room, too.” The radiance falls on all of us, and we are nothing without each other.”

I am highlighting and writing this here and now with urgency. I wish to remind myself this each day. I am happy to have figured out why. This shame of not believing I deserve wanting something good. The feeling of being small, of always overly compensating but feeling underperforming. Not giving enough. Not being enough.

Thanks to this misfit who uttered what my heart couldn’t encapsulate in words. TED Talks will always be the place to be surprised. The surprise of knowing and of the opportunity to deal with one’s ghosts is a gift. A gift towards healing.

Published by monalisachong

Every one agrees that life is fleeting. And that life is change. It never stays the same. I am a believer of choice, of opportunities embraced and lost, I dictate what happens to me. This makes me hopeful, makes me dream, gives me courage and clears my realm. And I hope to share how change affects my life.

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