Yesterday, we attended the online Sunday Praise and Worship with the theme on MOTIVATE (ACRONYM). The topic was Intimacy (Relationship). After the service, we talked a little about life, forgiveness and surrender. My husband is not a talker and usually avoids difficult conversations on life like ambitions, passion, struggles, and specifically death. Last night, while we were laying down preparing to sleep-I opened up the topic on death. I asked him if he is ready to care for the kids when I die and asked what he would do if it happens. He answered, “I don’t entertain the thought because I savor the happiness of having you as my wife and the mother of my children”. My heart fluttered but my mind was racing for more Q’s and concerns. I lost my mom at 8 and my father lost his wife at 30. My mom was sick for a long time and even then my father was not prepared for it.
I know we can never prepare for inevitable and death comes like a thief in the night so it will always be part of the considerations when I make decisions. I did not want to scare him but we cannot be naive through it all. I just told him that I already asked my sister just in case. My sister could relate to me and agreed to care for my children and love them like her own, afterall, we both lost ours no matter how much we needed her. My husband did not like that conversation and neither do I. But if I could trade having a mother growing up for the experiences that made me who I am, the experiences that led me here. I’d choose her. I would always choose her.
I saw in my husband’s eyes the weariness as he started thinking of it but he tried his best to avoid the conversation and steered it off course. He woke up to a breakfast in bed today because yes! life is short and for also scaring him last night.
Life is beautiful and I want us all to live it.