I am writing this the day before 2021 officially starts its working day. I feel a bit agitated here because I have not done what I was supposed to do. My research paper’s long overdue and I couldn’t even get past few chapters on the results. My mind has not been on my side and that may have created for circumstances to keep appearing, redirecting me of some sort.
I can’t explain the frustration and agitation I’ve felt. I have worked for more than 5 years wanting to complete what I have started. The Pandemic is my great pause and I have not been able to get past anything-at all. The thing is that, I’ve let things flow more than actively participating in such pursuit. I have my time in my hands but I spend them doing chasing something else. I feel the need to get back all the time and fail. Leaving me more and more anxious and stressed. I have been wasting time being angry for things happening to me when I can make things happen for me.
Living. Truly living I realize is easier said than done. The world is full of distractions. Reacting and chasing. Maybe, observing more this year may allow me to get back on track. Observe how I feel before I react- to react differently. Observe how I spend my time before I waste it- to spend it differently. Observe how I converse before I speak- so I choose my words wisely. Observe how I hear things so I will listen intently. This year, I will resolve to find the courage and will to participate more in life. To fill it with the courage, relentless voice and heart of being enough.